It's been five years since I last saw her. Five years ago, she suddenly disappeared from the Face of this Earth, without even saying a "Good-Bye". Back then, I tried all means and ways to find out about where she went and she would have been.
At that time, I thought that I might have done something wrong and she might be just playing a triump. So, i went to all the places that we've been to before and she could be. From neighbourhood playgrounds to Pasir Ris Beach. From Tampines shopping centre to East Coast area. Everyday, I would send her email and wait patiently by the PC for her reply and even hope that she would log onto MSN, so that I would have a chance to know where she went...Days past. Weeks past. I have practically searched every possible place but still I found no sign of her.
Then I realised that she has left me forever. Never would she come back. I cried. I cried my heart out. Because the wound she left in my heart was so unbearable and so painful. With her gone, I somehow lost my sense of direction of Life. I started to live a "Zombie-like" life. In class, I would pretend to be very happy, always joking, laughing and talking. But, the moment school ended, I would change into a totally different person. Quiet, lifeless and seems to have no soul at all.
And in order to let myself be unable to feel this pain, I started a path of vengence. I started playing the "Game of Love". Flirting with alot of girls, and became some sort of a "Hua Hua Gong Zi". I changed girlfriend so often that I lost count of the number of girls I played with around my fingers. My friends who saw what I was doing, tried all means and ways to consult me and told me to stop what i was doing. But I didn't take their advices, because I was angry. Angry at her.
This went on for almost 5 months, before it finally stopped, after I realised what I was doing. I was self-destructing. Doing more harm to myself than it was to parties who were involved. Once again, for 5 months, I cried again on that fateful night. Throughout the whole night, I did some serious soul-searching and sorted my feelings and thoughts out. After that night, I became more cheerful, more energtic, more focused on my upcoming 'O' Levels and also took good care of myself, not to hurt myself ever again.
Years went by, and I've also began a new chapter in my life. I started to be more aware of my own looks and gestures. Along the way, I met few girls whom I clicked very well with. They've also expressed their feelings for me, but perhaps it was due to that shadow. That I didn't dare to express my feelings to them, for I feared that I might get hurt again. So for five years, many "would-be" relationships have came and gone. And I've also enjoyed five years of singlehood. The shadow within me, also began to gradually disappear.
Then all of a sudden, on the 2nd day after I POP. Just as I was preparing myself for my Platoon's BBQ @ East Coast later in the night. I suddenly heard a soft knock on the door. I thought it must be a sales person who might be promoting "something new and amazing" again. So, before I went to the door, I took a peak thru my room's window [which was raised to about a human's height, might be for safety reasons]. And I saw a lady, her back was facing me, as she was leaning against the ledge. The backview was so, so familiar. I seem to have seen this backview somewhere. But I just couldn't recall who.
Suddenly, she turned around. And our eyes locked. HER! Almost immediately, a fear, a pain overcame me. It can't be her!?But...But... After all these years...... I asked myself.
"Hi there!" suddenly she spoke. That voice of her further confirmed my doubts that it was Her.
After a brief moment of silence, "H...Hi..." I finally returned a greeting.
"Well, are you gonna invite me in or are you gonna let me stand here for the rest of the day???"
"O...OH! Please... Come in!" I quickly rushed to open the door and invited her in...
We sat at the dining table and began talking. I finally knew why she left that day. A question that finally got an answer after five years. Her dad was suddenly appointed to take care of some businesses over at England and he would be there for some years. As he had to leave ASAP, he decided to take his whole family over as well. That explains her sudden diappearance......
Strangely, our conversation seemed like two old-time friends reunited again and chatting about old times. But still, I wasn't sure why she came back only after five years.
Then, she asked me where I would be going later. I told her I was preparing to go to a BBQ held by my Platoon mates. When I looked into her eyes, it seem to be telling me that she wished to spend more time chatting with me. But I told her that I would be leaving soon and if she wanted, I could leave my contact number for her.
In the end, I didn't went for the BBQ. Instead, I went to find Yue Hui and joined her for a swim. Her return to Singapore after so many years just wsn't as simple as it seemed. I told Yue Hui about this matter and she told me not to worry so much, as she might be back here for a holiday during her Winter Break. I took Yue Hui's word and believed that she might be just here for a Holiday.
For the rest of the week, I went by doing my own things. And as usual, over the weekend I would go out with Yue Hui, cuz that was the only time she would be free. And I've also totally forgotten about Her Return.
Then on Wednesday afternoon, as I was chatting with my friends over MSN, my phone rang.
"Wei!"
"Wei! Is Jonny at home?" a familiar voice came from the other end.
"Er... yeah this is Jonny on the line. Who's this?
"It's me lah, Violet."
"oh! Violet! haha! And I was thinking who this sweet voice might be......"
A softer laughter came from the other end.
"So, what's up?"
"Er...I was thinking whether you're free later?
"yeah. I should be...Why?"
"Wanna have dinner together?
"Dinner wor...Where and when?"
"Well...Hmmm...I meet you at your block 7pm and we head over to Tampines Mall. Haven't been there for quite some time."
"Hmmm...ok! See ya then!"
Without thinking much, I went on to chat with my friends online like usual, and prepared for the dinner later at 7pm.
I didn't expect anything other than just a normal dinner with a friend. At the restaruant, we joked, laughed and chatted about everything... Time passed quickly, and soon it was 9:30pm.
"Well, shall we go back now?" I asked
"Okie!"
"Let's go!"
"Hey Jon!"
"yeah!"
"Shall we walk?"
"Oh....okie...Since it's only a short distance."
There was a brief silence as we started walking from Tampines Mall. Then, she spoke.
"Jon, why you never ask why I suddenly came back?"
"For Holiday of cuz. What else??? Unless you're thinking of staying here for good...haha!" I tried to laugh it off, for I sensed something odd.
"I might stay here for good. F...For" She paused.
"For what???"
"For You Jon... I came back for you..." She stopped in her steps.
I paused as I heard that. I was dumbfound.
"Can I hug you???"
Suddenly, from behind, I felt her hugging me. Her face pressed against my back and I could feel her tears wetting my t-shirt.
"Can... Can we talk somewhere else?I think we need to talk" I turned around and pushed her away and walked to the park just behind Tampines stadium and sat on a bench.
Then, I told her what had happened to me for the past 5 years, and how I've changed.
"I'm sorry Jon..." Violet tried to place her hands on mine, but I pulled away.
"You don't have to apologise, Violet. The matter happened so long ago, it doesn't really matter to me anymore" I smiled, and looked towards the night sky.
"Really???" Violet asked.
"Yeah...It doesn't really matter to me. Why?"
"Because I still have feelings for you...That's why I came back..."
Hearing this, I slowly turned my head and looked at her.
"Violet. If this words were said maybe 4 or 5 years back, maybe things won't be the same today. But after this incident, I've grown more matured and more logical. Now I've grown out of this shadow that once followed me for some time and moved on with life. And I've even found someone I like alot..."
"Oh...Is it?" Violet didn't say much. She lowered her head.
"Violet..."
"Yes??"
"I wish that you could do the same as well, forget the Love we once had and move on with Life. And I wish that from now onwards, we could still continue to be friends..."
"Please...Say...Say no more..." Violet stood up and walked off.
I didn't ran up to her, for I knew what I was saying and doing. After which, I didn't see her anymore. After asking around, her friends told me that she left for England the next day, taking the morning flight.
[Violet, I wish that you would be able to find your happiness soon...Good Luck.]
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