LOST IT!!!!

I finally lost it... Totally lost it... The beast I've been trying so hard to control and succumb within me, all of a sudden in just mere milliseconds, broke loose from its cage and rage destruction on things all around it...

For the first time in years, I actually raised my bare hands and slapped my sister. I really don't know what came over me for that few brief moments...

Around 10plus, I was chatting with Ber Ber in my room, while surfing the Internet. MY sister was still sleeping at that moment of time. She tossed & turned a few times while I was on the phone with Ber Ber. Then, I hung up with her, cause my sister was still sleeping.

Then, I just lost it... ... The madness contained within just overwhelmed. All I remembered was me screaming, shouting and destroying things around me. My mind was a complete blank. At that point of time, everything, everyone were like enemies to me.

The insanity was boiling within me. I just stood there. In front of my parent's room staring into the blank. My fists clenched, eyes shot red.

my sister said something: "Everybody likes you, loves you!!! It's only you who don't like yourself, don't love yourself!!!"

Suddenly, I just let loose my last bit of lunacy on a plastic cup, and I just calmed down...

I felt so empty... Like a zombie for that brief moment. My vision, my mind, my thoughts just came to a total halt.

What's happening to me??!!! Am I too stressed??? Am I slowly disintegrating within me???

I need a break... Maybe. Maybe I need to really let my body, mind & soul go free for a brief moment. Let loose all the rage & madness piled up within me...

I need to go back to nature, back to serenity...