快四年了吧。。。

[我搞不懂 我们到底怎么了
诚实的背后 是否 住着伤口 ?

雨下过以后是否
能让什么复活?]

快四年了吧。。。

回想起来，寂寞与孤独跟随我应该有那么久了吧。。。哈！我都快忘了寂寞与孤独
究竟是什么感觉了。很自然的，它们逐渐变成我生命的一部分。

快四年了。时间还真是飞快喔。今天不知怎么搞的，昨日的回忆与伤痕好像都约好
一起来拜访我似的。

三年前的那段恋情几乎瓦解了我对爱情的期盼，及希望。分手后的前几个月真的好
难受。似乎没了核心，每天都拖着我的 "尸体" 上下学院。在朋友们的面前，必须
装作若无其事，和他们像平常一起疯疯癫癫，那么他们才不会担心。每当和他们一
起出去玩，在搭电车经过曾经拥有我和她回忆的地方时，眼眶都积满泪水，许多画
面都会一勇而上，刚复原的心好像又被这些画面划了一刀。。。

每当独自一个人的时候，寂寞的感觉几乎把我吞没。多次在深夜，都以泪洗脸入眠。


渐渐地，心中的伤痕逐渐痊愈，自己也慢慢习惯了寂寞和孤独。心灵深处也因为那
段恋情而被我上了锁。

因为曾经付出太多的感情，而上锁。
因为曾经让自己掉如悬崖太深，而上锁。
因为不想再尝到如此的伤痛，而上锁。
因为害怕，而上锁。
因为。。。
因为。。。

曾经问自己: "如果对的人出现了，怎么办?"

可能会解开心锁，
可能会让它擦身而过，
可能只和她成为朋友，
我不知道。。。

如今，她出现了。应该解开心锁吗?

思绪好乱

到底我在你心里是何等地位??? 我对你而言算什么??? 这些问题一直不断的徘徊，一
直反覆的问我。

我一直以来都努力地想把你从我的记忆里删除掉，但越是如此，你在我脑海里就越
是深刻。。。每当夜深人静，或是一个人时，就不由自主地想起你。思念你，想念
你，好像早已经静悄悄的爬进了我的心房，然后不知不觉地成为我的一部分了。

我真的不知道从什么时候开始，我有多喜欢你，有多么的想待在你的身旁。每当知
道你很需要有人在你身旁时，我都很恨我自己，为什么我不能在你的身旁保护你，
支持你。。。

每当我那些不听话的手指不知觉地拿起我的手机，然后显现你的手机号码时，我都
会好想打电话给你。听听你的声音，或者只是听听你的笑声 也好。。。真的！但我
总是因为害怕不知该和你聊些什么，而打消了这念头。哈哈！我好像个小孩喔。。。


我可以因为你，而放弃我的梦想和理想，甚至忘记自我。为了你，我可以如此的疯
狂，如此的愚蠢。但我知道我不能这么做，那样太没理智了，太不象我了。

我喜欢你。
喜欢常傻笑的你。
喜欢那总是少根经的你。
喜欢那无理头的你。
喜欢那喜欢阳光，沙滩，晴天的你。
喜欢简单的你。
喜欢你。。。

喜欢你。。。

。。。

Why???

If Friends whom always reach out to you and show you love, care and concern, try to make you forget whatever stresses you have in your mind, whenever they feel that you're feeling down.

And suddenly one day, they stopped showing you love, care and concern at all ones. They Are the ones you feel that don't understand you at all....

They are actually the ones who understands you the most. Because they always put you before themselves. Their advices sounds piercing to your ears, but are the purest and most honest words from you, cuz they bother about you, they treasure you, they love you.

Start appreciating the people who really cares about you. before you lose them all... ...

even though you've already regarded me as "someone",
I'll still be at the same place.
just in case one day you need a shoulder to lean upon...

Damn Presentation!!

Friday 30 Sept 2006

Dammit man!!! The presentation today at 2pm was completely unnesseccary.... All the hard work put in by Mr Ananh, me, Mr. Pandian, Zhi Qiang & Jeremy. The report served little purpose during the whole 2 1/2 hour long presentation to COL(RET) LEE.

Because Mr. Gary need my part of the report, I rushed back to SCH 2 LOG BR and quickly grabbed my report and pass it to him. After that, sat in his office and practically hear him crapped for another 2 hours. By now, it was already 11am, I was still in my PT kit, smelly, sticky & sweaty.

Was arrowed to help him arrange the report for him which will be presented to COL (RET) LEE. Gosh, by the time i finished everything it was already 1pm. HAHAH! GREAT! Still in PT kit, smelly, sticky, not sweaty but hungry and angry!!! Thanks alot ah Mr. Gary. Thanks to you, everyone has changed to No.4, except me. And at this point of time, you have already slowly made your way over to Cookhouse to enjoy your lunch, while your dear slave, Me!! Have to continue do your job!!! And not even a word thanks from you or even saying you'll give me half day off....

Had to quickly rush back to my bunk to bathe and freshen up and quickly rush down to cookhouse to have my lunch,, Arh!! What a fucked up day!!!

Just when I was about to put the first spoon of food into my mouth, my phone rang....

"Hello? Jonny ahZ... Zhi Qiang Here ahZ..."
"Yesh? What's up??"
"Er... Mr. Gary said that the meeting has been brought forward to 2pm..."

*BOOOOMMM!!!!!* I was totally stunned when he told me this piece of news.

"hello?? You still there...."
"Er...Yeah... Yeah!! Okie! I'll be there shortly..."

After I hung up the phone... I took only 5 mouth of my lunch, and threw the rest away. The cookhouse aunties asked me, why I ate so little. I told them that my asshole Boss wanna see me right away... ARH!! can't even let me have my lunch peacefully...

When I went back to LSA, he showed "concern" by asking me whether I had my lunch.. "YEAH!! YEAH!! I had a very good lunch!", I thought to myself "All thanks to you Fucker!!!"

And, I was rushing here and there to get the documents ready. And all he could say was "Jonny... Hurry up.. We're gonna be late...."

OKOK!!! Can't you see that I'm in need of help you bastard? Oh sorry! I forgot... You're too blinded by your desire to impress that COL(RET) LEE... ARH!!!
_______________________________________________________

After that useless meeting, i quickly disappeared from there and booked out. Called Joyce and we agreed to meet up at Bedok. I can't tell you how relieved I was to see Joyce. It was like I was finally freed from that horrible place after like a hundred years!!!

We walked around a little bit more, cuz the hawker centre was very packed at the time we went there... So we went to Giant and she did a little shopping hahaa!!! After which we went back to the Hawker center and had our dinner... Ahhh... Being with Joyce was like back in the Poly days haah!! Where me and Joyce were always together. We went practically anywhere together haah! And everyone thought that we were an item... those were the days haha!!! I missed those days.....

After which we slowly walked to the Interchange and went our separate ways home...

Update for the whole week!!! Part II

Tuesday 26 Sept 2006

Yet another working day where I have to drag my body to work. But luckily it was to Life! Activity first.

Today, I thought the Life! Activity would be relaxing one, but Boy was I wrong!!! An easy 5 rounds around the Parade Square, followed by Circuit stations. Well, first of all, the Parade Square is damn freaking BIG! But well, being combat trained, 5 rounds is easy. Finished the 5 rounds with little sweat haha! Was actually thinking of going for more. But i thought again and told myself that I still have a vigorous day ahead of me, so I toned down a little bit, so that I won't wear myself out before the day ends....The Circuit station was also nothing much actually haha!!! Actually, had plenty of time to rest lolZ... Replenish some of those lost energy haha!!!

After which, I dragged myself back to my bunk to bathe and freshen up. Sigh!!! A tiring day of running around and listening to Mr. Gary's nagging is waiting for me at LSA office.

And gosh was I right... the moment I stepped into the office... "JONNY!!! ANAND!!! PANDIAN!!! Later I wanna see the 3 of you!!!" Arh!!! Can't he let me at the very least get settled down in the Office before he start shooting his mouth around... ARH!!!

Then, the 3 of us stepped into his office, and with a blink of our eyes, almost an hour has past by. Just listening to his crapping and repeating messages about what were his requirements for the report that he wants to present this coming friday afternoon.

Gosh!!!! Only half a day's left to check 3 companies. Does He think that we're all superman??? ARH!!! Went to T, U & O coys to check. Well, sad to say, many of these companies have failed badly... Sigh... Especially O coy... their CQ store was in a COMPLETE MESS!!! And there was even an awful smell when I stepped in. ALmost felt like vomitting... EEEK!!!

Oh well, around 5pm, same as yesterday, Me and Mr. Pandian went back to LSA to hear to Mr. Gary's grandfather stories again.. But Surprise! He was rather quick with his words today haah!!! GOOD! That means I have more time to type out my report.

Chatted on the phone with Joyce, while typing my report... haha! Without Joyce talking to me, I might get too stressed up and start punching walls again haha!!

Finally, I placed a "To be continued..." to my report at 9"30pm. Went up, washed up and went to LaLa Land haah!!!
__________________________________________________________________

Wednesday 27 Sept 2006

Early in the Morning and all of us had to listen to his lecture. Fuck man!! That really ruined everyone's day... How nice of him to ruin everyone's day even before work has started.... Such an Asshole!!!

Well, today, I only left 3 companies, M, V & W, to check before my rundown of all the companies is complete... So happy to know that this tiring rundown to coming to an end... haha!!!

M coy was the last we went. Kanan's attitude was so so so fucked up! I kindly asked me to show me where were his items placed, he used a "pissed off" tone of voice, pointed to me a direction and asked me to go there myself and see it.

Hearing this, I kindly asked him again to bring me there, and then he started flaring up... After speaking to him nicely a few more time, I really got pissed off!!! I threw my cap on the table and was about to throw my fist straight at his damn face! But luckily Mr. Pandian was there to stop everything. Gosh! What the heck was Kanan thinking? I just merely asked him to show me the locations of the stores, cuz he knows it best. How could he expectt me to know the locations? Damn... I didn't want to flare up at him, or even swear at him, cuz he's currently having fasting. So, I respected him that during fasting he's in a bad mood, thus I wanna speak nicely to him. But i guessed ego went to his brain too much. Gosh! If Mr. Pandian wasnt there, my fist, my leg might have already flied everywhere on Kanan... And next thing I know, I'll be sent flying to DB haha!!! But I guessed that aint very good right??

Have to work OT again... Sigh! This will be the 3rd time I'm working OT, because of Mr. Gary. And all thanks to Joyce, who chatted with me over the phone throughout the whole night, at least I won't feel so lonely and stressed up...

After I finished my work, I continued to chat with Joyce till about 1:30am I think.. haha! Dunno what we chatted haha! But we just chat... After which, I went up and went into LaLa Land...
____________________________________________________________________

Thursday 28 Sept 2006

I guessed I finished my rundown on the companies at the right time, and do my report on the right day. Cuz today all the School 2 Commanders have to attend a Full Day's Lesson. Thus, AO's PC would be free to use. haha!! So, I just grabbed the PC and used it to type out my report. GOSH! It's been a long long time, ever since I am able to sit infront of the PC and use it for so long...

And the strange thing was, no one disturbed me the whole damn day haha!!! GOOD!!! Meant that I'll be able to fully concentrate on my report. And finally finished it at 4pm. Printed out a draft copy, so that Mr. Gary can browse thru it and make amendments on the spot. And it was at that point of time that I realised that I have skipped Breakfast & Lunch just to complete this report. GOSH!! I've never been so absorbed in typing a report ever since I graduated from Poly. Ahhhh.... Those were the days.... ....

Well, At least Mr. Gary was very impressed with my work. GOOD! If he doesn't appreciate it, I'm gonna send my combat boots flying to his face, and give him 3 pieces of my mind!!! Though, there were still some changes and there. At least, I've more or less complete like 99.95% of it, only need some amendments here and there, and I'm off to enjoy the Cohesion party later in the night....

As I was making the changes using AO's PC, everyone was searching for something, and I realised only then that AO's wallet has gone missing!!! WHAT HECK!!! HOW COULD THAT HAPPENED!!! I was sitting at his place the whole damn day!!! ARH!!! I'm such a dimwit!!!

After a sweeping search thru the whole HQ, we still couldn't find it, thus we concluded that someone must have handpocketed it... But ATO advised AO NEVER to let this made known to SSM, TO, 2IC or CO.... If not, a SUper Duper big shit will follow soon after....

Well, AO has decided to make a poliec report, cuz his 11B was inside the wallet. But I doubt he would wanna make a big shit outta this as well... So the whole of BMTC SCH 2 booked out, left only me, Firdaus and ATO behind... So, the remaining of us went to Scabbard Mess to join in the party. Bar top girls, KTV, Beer & Partying haha!!! Alright!!!

Well, it was quite quiet. As in, everyone's not geling with other people from other companies... All only keeping together with the people they know from their own companies.... Sigh.. That's so sad...

As I was all alone there, I just went around chatting with everyone I know and drank with them. Before I knew it... I was at the DJ table, with R coy's storeman, Alex. And I was helping the Senior commanders to dedicate KTV songs. Well, I guess that was the few times they are nice haha!!!!

Suddenly, the lights dimmed, and music started rocking. The GIRLS ARE RELEASED!! OH YEAH!! BABY!!!!

AHHH!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!! Please kill me!!! The bar top girls awere just Average when the lights brightened up again. And my averge is really really just Average. But at least there was one Indian-Mulism who had nice figure and a good-looking face. Oh my gosh.... I guess the music playing in the background was much better.

And the commanders started smoking out, when the girls wanna pull them in to dance with them... C`mon!!! Have more sportsmanship... When people don't get girls, all of you complained. When they got the girls in, you guys show appreciation by smoking out, and showed unwillingness to have fun. SUCH DISGRACE!!! too bad the girls didn't pull me... I would gladly danced with them... Well, they're all paid for to create fun and enjoyment. So, why not use it to the maximum???

The party ended very very fast. When R coy's OC annonuced that the party has ended, all the commanders dashed out of the Mess like an outbreak was about to happen.... Can't they just stayed back a little longer to clean up the bloody place? Sigh....

SO, V coy's CSM, Mr. Pandian, Me, Alex and some of the Foodfare cleaners cleared the things and cleaned up the place. And of cuz V coy's CSM wasn't one bit happy about all the Sergeants just smoking out like that... And he decided to raise this issue to CO. Oh well... What can I say???

Because I didn't had my breakfast, lunch and dinner... I quickly went to SBL cafe, together with Alex, to grab something to eat... BOY was I hungry!!! Anything now that tasted bad presented to me would taste excellent.. hahah!!!!

After eating, I suggested to sing KTV, cuz during the party, all the senior commanders sang to their fill. So now it's our turn haha!!! And I was surprised that the system have 7,000 songs in it. And they're all very updated hahaha!! GOOD! I can sing to my heart's delight...

I was so embarassed with V coy CSM and the Cafe's Aunties all kept praising me that I have an excellent vocal... haha!!! Though i think otherwise... I just feel that I just suitable for singing at KTV... CUz there's too many better singers out there in Singapore...

Chatted with Joyce on the phone before I went to bed, and told her all about the party and what happened when we were singing just now haha!!!

Went to bed around 12:30am...

Update for the whole week!!! Part I

Thursday 21 Sept 2006

The day passed by so so fast haha!!! But still was awfully busy. I was running here and there, trying to settle things for PES E and also stock-taking for arrival of goods... Gosh! And the weather... It's so hot and humid... It's like even if there's wind, it doesn't help at all. The heat just seem to have rooted themselves around you!!!

Took the 5:30pm fast craft out of BMTC and rushed home immediately haah! It feel so great to be back home haah!!! Switch on the PC, wll realised that it was On and it was obvious that my sister was using it... But why she left it on??? ah! Who cares.... I closed everything that I don't need and started watching Online videos haha!!!

Slept at 3:30am watching those clips... Tired... So, So tired... I'll be meeting Joyce Tmr at Clementi to head down to SIM and NP...
__________________________________________________________

Friday 22 Sept 2006

The weather is again so so hot! GOSH!!! When is the rainy season gonna come and chase away this irritating heat, that doesn't seem to wanna disperse?

Reached Clementi about 10mins earlier then planned, thus I just stood there and wait for Joyce to arrive. Guess what? She wore a skirt and heels!!! And she looked good haha! I complimented her and said that she should have longed tried wearing that type of dress during Poly days haha!!!

We decided to head to NP for lunch... As we were first-timers going to NP, we asked around for directions. We headed towards this magazine Stand at the Bus stop to ask, and the kind boss told us to go opposite to take the bus. Before going off, I realised that the stand sells flowers as well. They were quite beautiful haha! So I asked Joyce what colour she preferred? After a short moment of pondering over Yellow or Pink roses, I decided to get the pink ones, as I felt that it complimented Joyce better than the Yellow ones haah!!!

Guess what?! That was the very first time, I bought flowers for girls haha! Surprised right? Rightfully, I would have bought flowers for my EXs, but well, Joyce was the first girl I gave flowers to... Funny right?? haha!!! Oh well...

It's so good to be back to Campus life again. The feeling of being a student seem so fresh in my mind. Just walking among the students of NP and eating at the NP Business Canteen, reminded so much about my Poly Days haha!!! I WANNA GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!!! haha!!!

Though Joyce looked good, but as she doesn't wear heels often, so she was complaining about her feet getting corns and getting painful... I can't blame her haha! Heels do hurt if you brought the wrong cutting... And I guess the hot weather played a big part as well to the pain...

After lunch, we went to the Student Service Centre, to enquire information regarding the type of Advance Diplomas or special Courses being offered at NP. Nothing really special or amazing courses that were able to capture our attentions...

So, we left NP and started walking towards SIM because it was like only a 5 mins walk. At the Bus stop in front of NP, Joyce wanted to take a seat, cuz she wanted to paste Tutoring notices at the Bus Stop. haha!!! But because there were some people there, she didn't dared. So, we decided to wait. And our wait wasn't that long, as a lady who was helping "Jean Yip Slimming Centre" to do promotions, approached us, as well as the people at the Bus Stop. Still, she was a little afraid to paste it, so I did it for her... It was so easy haha! Dunno why she was so afraid to do it. haha!!!

The feeling of walking into SIM was totally different. The aura there was definitely different from NP, though it was just 5 mins away. The design of the campus was very "Western". And the girls there.... haha! Pretty, very pretty. It was like Advanced Version of TP. haha!!! It was practically a Fashion Show there. The girls there do their best to dress up, but guys do their best to dress down haha!!! Such a contrast lolZ...

After we took some brochures which introduces the courses avaliable at SIM, we decided to head down to their library. I tell you, their library SUCK BIG TIME!!!! It's so so so so tiny!!!! can't even say that it's a library... Such a big campus, yet the library is so Small.... gosh! What a waste... ...

We walked around and looked for a place to sit down. I guessed I was too tired, I went into a deep slumber almost immediately when I sat down haha! While Joyce went around to do some "explorations". She came back with treasures, like Samples of Past Papers and some books on studying abroad...

Too bad, I have to rush back home to prepare Fo Tang for Qing Zhu at night... If not I wouldn't wanna go back so early haha!!!

Walking to the Bus Stop to take the bus back to MRT station, was definitely the best haha! Cuz just nice the students have just finished their lessons, and were slowing swarming towards the bus stops. So it was the best time to see Pretty girls hahaha!!! And also, it just reminded us of our Poly days as well haha! Ah! Just so wanna go back to SChool!!! lolZ! I wanna ORD NOW!!! *Blurp*

After the Qing Zhu was finished, I quickly changed and rushed down to Tampines Interchange to meet my friend, who will be passing me "Goong" VCD. haha! Been waiting for so long!!! I've been so anticipated to watch"Goong", cuz my friends have been telling me that it was such a good show. Went home immediately and started watching from DISC 3, cuz I;ve already watched the first 2 DISCs on youtube.com. It was really funny... Finally, turned off everything and went to bed at 4:30am... Gosh! I'm so deprived of sleep... And Tomorrow, I'm going to East Coast at 5pm to cycle with Joyce

haha!!! A packed weekend right?? haha!!!
___________________________________________________________________

Saturday 23 Sept 2006

Woke up around 1130am, and immediately I was greeted with my mum, opening my room's door and telling us that she has brought breakfast for us all. That was so sweeeet... haha! LOVE YOU MUM!! *MuackZ*

Quickly went outta bed, washed up and consumed my breakfast. And at the same time watched "Goong" haha!!! The show is so, so funny haha! Especially Cai Jing (The Lead Female), so Ke Lian, yet so funny haha! She's always doing those silly things, but always have the "laughter effect"

watched the show till 3:30pm. Then I went to bathe and prepare to go out... Miscalculated that she would arrived at East Coast on Time, and I waited at the food court for over an Hour...Cuz she was coming down from Raffles Place, cuz she was having her Arts lessons there. And it's not that easy to wait for a bus at CBD area...Sigh... Silly me lolZ! But luckily, I ordered a plate of ice cream waffer to pass the time...lolZ...it was quite delicious lolZ! How smart :p

When she arrived, we went to see which shop offered the cheapest bike rates. And we settled for one that charged $4 for 2 hours haha!! CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!!!!

Cycling at night is so cool... The weather is cooling, the scenery is also cool & the wind is also cool...

It has been such a long time that I felt so "free" & "relaxed"

We cycled, stopped, cycled, stopped along the way. It was so relaxing... Dunno why. Being with Joyce always seem to ease away my worries haha! Ever since Poly days. haha!! Oh well... too bad we're only fated to be friends... But, come to think again, we can't be anything more than friends, Cuz I'm a vegetarian & she's not... It'll be very hard for both of us in future... So, I guess that we just leave things as it is now...Dun wanna think of anymore....

Around 9pm, we returned our bikes and headed down to Mac to have our dinner. Well, her dinner haha! She said that she wanna have her dinner after cycling... Well, she was obviously very hungry haha! She ordered a Chicken Foldover meal Plus a Cupcorn...haha! And after that she still said that she was hungry... OMG!!!!! Is she human??? hahah! oppZ!

As it was getting late (It was already 1030pm, by then), We slowly made our way to the Bus stop... Guess what? I was so tired by the time I boarded the bus, that in less then five mins after I sat down, I knocked out hahah!!!! I'm so Horrible!!! Almost missed my stop at Tampines. haha!

When I reached home, I watched "Goong" again haha! Till about 3am, Before my beloved sister passed me her phone and asked me to talk to her friend, Chervon. Cuz she was having some relationship problems, and my sister hoped that I could enlighten her friend better than me. So, I listened to Chervon's Story. And guessed what? The guy she liked was an Aquarian!!! No wonder, the way she described the guy she liked was so so so liked an Aquarian haha! So, I gave her some 5cent worth of advices as well as enlightened her on the traits of an Aqaurian, hoping that it would help her...

Tomorrow, we're meeting 1:30pm at Toa Payoh to attend a Digicam seminar, I wonder what type of seminar would it be...Hmmm... Anyway... Time to turn in At 4:30am Again!!
________________________________________________________________

Sunday 24 Sept 2006

Woke up at 1030am, and again, my mum greeted us with breakfast! haha! I felt so blessed! haah!!!

Quickly went to prepare myself to meet Joyce at Toa Payoh... I don't go to Toa Payoh much one... Actually today was my second time there! haha! Surprised right? Toa Payoh is such a buzzing place, and I've only been there twice haah!

Anyway, she worn the same skirt she worn on Friday haha!!! Did she washed it at all?? haha!@ oppz... Sorry for being bad... =P

She told me that the Seminar was held at SPH building, which was in Braddell. Never been to SPH at all, we asked for directions, and the Station Staff told us to head down to Braddell instead and it would be a short 5 mins walk from the MRT Station, rather than we take a bus from Toa payoh. haha! Such a honest answer from that Gentleman lolZ....

We were BLUFFED!!! It was indeed a Digicam Seminar, but it was talk on the upcoming "Canon Photo Marathon 2006" ARH!!! BOth of us were so wanting to leave!!! We felt cheated... But anyway, we sat thru the WHOLE TALK!!! (Can't believed we sat thru that talk totally) We got to know some basic things to take note during photo taking, such as lighting, brightness, contrast, shadows, linings, etc etc. (Talking about basics...YAKK!)

Joyce was obviously getting bored & Hungry haha! Cuz she wasn't expecting a talk to promote a Photo-taking competition..haha!! Anyway, after that talk, we quickly disappeared from there haha! And headed straight for Toa Payoh Central for Lunch haha!! After that, cuz I had to prepare to book in later at night, we went back soon, after having our lunch....

I guess that kinda round my busy weekend haha!!! I guess next week kinda have to tone down abit... So that I can accupurate the lost sleep.... CHEERRS!
___________________________________________________________________

Monday 25 Sept 2006

First thing in the morning that greeted me, Mr. Pandian, Mr Eric and Mr Anan was this huge, huge, huge bomb. *KABOOMMMM!!!!*

Mr Gary wanted all the stores in both sch 1 & 2 to be checked, similar to LRI style. Together with that, whatever things in the company that are spoilt, and needed to be replaced. All these have to done by Friday.

Is he NUTS??? 11 companies checked and verified by friday??!!! He must be totally out of his mind i tell you...

Thus, immediately after this small meeting, I gave Leopard company a call and rushed down to conduct a check. Store check, Condition check, documents check. This check, that check. KaoZ!

By the time I & Mr. Pandian finished Leopard, it was already lunch time. How nice... Half a working day gone just doing a spot-check on one company. Agreed with Mr. Pandian to go to Raven Company and do the check after lunch, around 1:30pm.

Thus, I went for lunch. After lunch, I went back to LOG BR to read some newspaper and relaxed my mind & body for a while before I embraced myself in yet another tiring check.

Raven Coy was quite a breeze haha! Because things were arranged yet nicely and orderly, so whatever items I need to check on, it was quickly tallied. Though, still there were some common mistakes here and there haha!!! But, their store is by far one of the best that I know of.. Good job dudes!!!

By the time we finished Raven company, it was already 4:15pm. So we decided to slack in their store till about 4:45pm before we head back to LSA for Final Roll call. Had combat biscuits. Gosh! I thought i'll never eat those again. Still remembered those outfield days, where these awful-tasting bsicuits were considered to be "Treasures" whenever our combat ration runs low. It was only then, that we realised one true phrase:

"When you're hungry, ANYTHING, I mean ANYTHING, taste heavenly." haha!!!

When we reached back to LSA, there wasn't much people left. Only Desmond and 1 more Messing By was there. So I asked Desmond where's the others. He told me that they've already went off and Final Roll Call was already over.

I was like OVER??!! WHAT!!?? But I thought roll call for non-muslim was supposed to be at 1700 Hours? Oh well... Since everyone has left, I might as well just go on to do my own things and update some of my documents and call it a day...

Went to eat dinner alone, then went up to LOG BR and used the I-Net. I tell you, it really stink to update 4 days of blog entries in one shot. It's really tiring, especially after a tiring day of work. Logged onto MSN and chatted with my friends for a while, and did some catching up. Still glad that I have friends on MSN to chat with...

Between me and Her, the gap is becoming bigger & bigger. My sister told me last weekend, that she found her to be quite materialistic and not a very good girl. In simpler terms, she just don't like her much... I guessed I was blinded by Love, Lust and my own obessession over her.

Still, no one could understand, not even Her. How it felt to lose a friend. But thankfully there was Joyce to spend the weekend with me, if not I'll be having wildful thoughts over the weekends, and could have driven myself C.R.A.Z.Y!!!

Busy Day!!!

The day passed by so so fast haha!!! But still was awfully busy. I was running here and there, trying to settle things for PES E and also stock-taking for arrival of goods... Gosh! And the weather... It's so hot and humid... It's like even if there's wind, it doesn't help at all. The heat just seem to have rooted themselves around you!!!

Took the 5:30pm fast craft out of BMTC and rushed home immediately haah! It feel so great to be back home haah!!! Switch on the PC, wll realised that it was On and it was obvious that my sister was using it... But why she left it on??? ah! Who cares.... I closed everything that I don't need and started watching Online videos haha!!!

Slept at 3:30am watching those clips... Tired... So, So tired... I'll be meeting Joyce Tmr at Clementi to head down to SIM and NP...

The answer

很感谢您那么的认真的回答我。 至少我知道原来我是一个那么失败的人。谢谢您。
但为何一定要把话说得那么难堪吗? 有这必要吗? 有必要说: "反正你看了，读了，
也没什么反应， 没伤心，又曾样? 你说有更多要说，但却那已经足够了。我猜始终
你没有了解到我真正需要的是真正的批评，能把我辩得有多一文不值，就把我辩得
多一文不值。因为我觉得只有你会坦白，但你没有。

我很失望，但同时也感激您。。。
你答了。到我回应了

You were a nice girl, even now you still are. We had laughters, joy and fun. Weekends spent with you seem to make me forget the tough trainings I had in camp. Each and every week I looked forward to each weekend outing with you.

You told me about you wanna look more pretty, you wanna have a change. I helped you, but I made a fatal mistake. I didn't find out what you wanna be. All along I was forcing you into how I wanna you to look like. I knew that all along, you didn't voice out, thus I went along.

When you chose to stop, you didn't told me. I didn't know at all. Just simple that I wasn't You.
I wished once upon a time that with the assistance of those clothes you would be more confident of yourself. Cuz, I was trying to inject more confident in you thru clothing first, den slowly remove the need for nice clothings, once you have the confidence. But i guess you gave up and went with your own thinking, which I am happy for you, through your true words.

I never forced you to dress beautifully, whenever we go out. I merely encouraged you to do so. For I know all girls wish to be more pretty at one point of time.

I'm into Fashion, because I wanna pursue my dream of opening a Fashion Boutique. I'm sorry if that made you think that I'm a person who goes for looks and is too shallow. I'm into Techonolgy, creativity and futuristic stuffs, because I'm a person who is fascinated by these things. And also I have the dream to open a Cyber Cafe.

I have a big dream where, I wish that everyone would be beautiful and happy.

I have my goals, dreams and targets in Life. And I'm glad you have yours. How I wan my room to look like, is a sketch that I've been planning . I wan the place I sleep in to be as comfortable as it can be. A place where I can chill out after a tiring day of work. Or a secret hideout from all the troubles in the world. Where I can "feel safe & easy" mentally.

Same as you, I'm working hard for what I want my life to be, as well as how I want my parents to enjoy their later years. I'm not restricting what you do or what you desire in Life. I'm not your God nor Father.

Sooner than I know, I realised that you're beginning to drift away. I never once doubted that you've gotten out of the shadow of your last relationship. Because you never once dared to face that shadow within you, because you were afraid of something, that I'm not sure. Only you know that answer...

I'm a guy that really dotes on the girl I love. Anything she wants, I'll get it for her. I'll 迁就 her in almost anyway possible, even to the extend of really spoiling her badly. I treated them like how a girl would wanna be treated, a queen, a princess, the darling.

I'm poor, Yes I know. I'm currently jobless, in a sense. I'm currently without a career. I can't support you. Yes! That i know. I'm unable to be beside you when you need a shoulder to lean on. Because I'm in Army. All the more I feared, because I'm afraid that I won't be able to give you happiness.

I don't like my friends to feel unhappy, thus I always see myself as a "clown", an entertainer, a laughing-stock, at least to make my friends forget their woes for a brief moment.

How you feel inside? I will never ever know. Because I'm not you. Who would know how you are feeling inside, if you never once wanna share?

If my topics are boring you. Just tell me, and I'll shut up and be quiet all the way. It's that simple.

Ever since I came to know the value of money, I've never been calculative with friends. Cuz money to me is this: "We earn money, is to spend money. When we finished spending, we just earn again." I've never been calculative with money, unless it's to do with important things. Still, I dunno from which occassion you felt this way.

I can afford those things in branded shops, but I just don't wanna buy them, because I know I can use the same amount of money to buy clothes which are cheaper and of same quality, or even better. I'm trying out all these clothes, is because I needed to gather information on the type of textile used for each type of cloth and how it feels against the skin. How it will appear and how to match it with other clothes.

People who understands you really well, are those people you openly share your true feelings with, but those who don't understand you are those people whom you don't wish to share your feelings with.

Sometimes, it questions me why is it so hard for you to share your woes and troubles with your friends? Especially those that cares alot about you? Is it because you're afraid to open up, in fear of getting hurt? Or is it because of other things? Only you know the answer.

I am a person who really cares for my friends alot, and somehow or rather have this urge to take good care of my friends. Thus, alot of my friends look upon me like a "Big Brother", though I never once thought of it that way.
Simply, because friends mean alot to me, whether you're close or not close. I am a person who is willing to help anyone, even if you're nasty to me. For I see no use of hating someone or something, as it's a total waste of energy. People may say that I'm just being too kind and good or simply called "烂好人", which one of my dearest female friends, said this to me a long, long, time ago, as a reminder for me.

And even till today, this 3 simple words still struck a cord in me, strongly.

If all the aeroplanes that I've put you made you so disgusted about me, then I guess I've no point in explaining myself further, for in your heart I'm already a "bad person".

Just remember these words: "What you see & hear, may not be what you think the situation is. Because there's always 3 sides to a coin."

Off Day!!!

haha! Surprised right? Posting in my blog on a weekday.... Cuz I'm on off haha!!! yesh! I'm gonna have a long long long weekend to enjoy!!! YEAHH!!!!

Well, those recruits who were enlisted in Thursday and Friday are also gonna enjoy a long long weekend too!! That's great for them... After being trapped on that isolated island for two full weeks!

The day passed by very quickly, which I have no idea how come... Maybe it's because I know that I'll be booking out today...

GOsh! I hate staying at the LSA/Messing Office. Only one OA PC, and about 7 people are fighting over it to do their work and paper work... ANd that Mr Gary, is always having all sort of "gatherings", "meetings" & other shit craps with us, and practically the content were quite useless.

Maybe he deemed it as useful, but I reckoned that the time wasted listening to him, would have been used to complete some of my paperworks....

Anyway, Don't wanna spoil my mood for the rest of the week. I have a great weekend ahead haah!! CHEERS!

Last night, all of a sudden, my mood dropped rock bottom. I was in my bunk, all alone. Suddenly, I started thinking back about why the attitudes of my colleagues, all of a sudden changed 180 degree. The change came so fast, so hard, so harsh, that actually I'm bearing with it every single day, every minute, every hour, every second. Firdaus commented how could I still appear so happy, after all these happened. I could only replied him that I chose to pass each day with happiness, but within me, my heart is being torn apart, my feelings were being stomped upon, my kindness is being used & re-used as a weapon just to get things done.

Still, I treated as if nothing happened at all. I decided to remain null, numb, quiet, silent...

As if like it was automated, I picked up my HP and started asking some of my best buddies how they think of me as a person, whether I'm good or bad. They started questioning why? I replied with a "Nothing, just asking. Wanna know myself better...."

At that point of time, my mind was on the verge of collapse. The mental stress built up within was about to explode, tears were at the edge of my eyes, overflowing anytime. But luckily, the sound SMSes coming in, somehow or rather prevented those erupting tears from exploding. I was saved from yet another emotional collapse. I wondered to myself how can I face another day of such coldness from my colleagues. I questioned myself how unhumanly can they get with their treatments towards their fellow colleagues and partners. They were such disgusting animals, which previously I've never came to realise. Such horrible monsters were hidden underneath those smiles and laughters... Hidden fangs and claws, sticking out from their mouths and fingers, as if ever-ready to strike and pound on any un-wary preys...

I'm totally, utterly, deeply, disappointed... ... ...
___________________________________________________________________

19/09/2006 Tuesday

Dunno what's happening to me...Been feeling very restless, and tired. What's wrong with me?? I seem to be always "sleep not enough"...

People around the SCH 2 HQ are treating me differently as compared to the past. Previously, people whom I always chatted, laughed, joked and played with, sudddenly seem to ahve turned their back towards me and start ignoring me, and act as if I'm invisible...

What the heck have I done to deserve all these??? Ever since I got posted to HQ, this issue has been noticed by me, and my ex-DYLOG. And he has also discussed this issue with me personally on two occassions, though I told him that it's impossible to please everyone. If I do that, then people would realised that I'm very fake. I might as well, just be who I am, what I am. If others can't accept it or comply to it. Then, there's nothing much I can do. The most I could do, would be to perhaps tone down on my hype level, and be more quiet...

Anyway, if that's the case...Then so be it...

___________________________________________________________________

20/09/2006 Wednesday

As usual, today was quite another busy day (Well, Not that busy at all, Most of the time was wasted away on waiting...).

At 10am, I had to take a Fast craft out and meet this guy who does custom-made No.3 uniforms for PES E recruits. Both of us agreed to meet @ 10:25am, but that Asshole came 15mins late, and thus I missed the 10:30am Fastcraft and had to wait patiently like an idiot at the SFT for the 11:30am Fastcraft. But nevertheless, I was able to receive at least 1 set of the No.3 uniform for the recruit to wear.

Now, talking about Orion's Storeman, Indra. GOSH! That guy is really getting on my nerves!!! I really wonder to myself, why am I able to keep my composure whenever I talk to him. Everytime I talk to him, I had to repeat myself at least 3 times the same message, before he can get the thing across... GOSH! And me, being a person who hates repeating myself over and over again. Can't believe that I didn't even blew my top, whenever I talk to him...

But looking at it from another angle, this might be a good time to further train myself to control my temper and anger.

Just began to realise that handling Humans is really an art that everyone needs to master. Especially through emails. Just came to realise that the emails I've been sending out these few days, have been getting longer and longer. And i begin to have "Hua Zhong Hua". Gosh! Can't believe that I'm starting to have a split personality in Army... Totally hate that things are turning out this way... Why can't things be done in a simpler way???

Anyway, Friday I'll be on OFF.. haha! My FIRST OFFICIAL OFF ever since I've been posted to BMTC. During my days in SCH 2 LOG BR, I didn't dared to take any off-days, cause I was just beginning to pick up the trade and trick...

But now that I'm more or less settled down, it's time I start clearing my leaves and OFFs lolZ... But FIRST! I must finish all my paperwork tomorrow. Before I take my leave lolz.

!Gathering!

刚到家不久。。。嗨！为什么周末都过得那么快?难道就不能让时间慢点吗? 每次到
了要会兵营的时候都会有种莫名的依依不舍。。。

好久没见到她了。。。大概有接近一年了吧。。。她还是老样子，永远都会迟到得
很离谱。。。哈哈！！幸亏我早就习惯了。。。之后，我们到 Aijisen 吃拉面，也
聊了聊往日情怀。这时我才发现原来大家都那么怀念学生时期。。。也都抱著一种
"不想长大" 的思想。。。

哈哈！今天和 Joyce 看了一部电影: Barnyard 。是一部关于农村里的动物。蛮好
笑的。。。好久没看戏了。。。大概8个月了吧。。。(那也太久了吧！！！哈哈！！！
)

看完戏之后，我们就到处逛逛。我呢，就买了一个我找了好久，好久，好久的包包。
它其实是个愈加包包，但我拿它来放其它物品 。呵呵！！！ =P

有句话:"夕阳无限好，只是近黄昏。" 快乐的时光飞眼就过了。。。但是我好开心
喔！能和 good friends 聚一聚，也是件幸福的事也！

...

刚到家不久。之前跟andy 和 惠一起到乌节路走走逛逛。和他们会在远东广场。好多人哦！哈哈！当然人潮多=美女也多！哈哈！

还记得那是我和惠不是共同买了两件一模一样的 T-Shirt 吗? 今天我打算穿！哈哈！
"我不知道，你不要问我。。。" 哈哈！真有趣。。。

好不好意思哦。。。穿着这件衣服好引人注目。大家的目光好像不知觉地都会落在我的衣服上。

惠买了两件衬衫。不是很好看啦，但只要她喜欢，就行了。然后，我们到 Sunflower 吃晚餐。惠叫马来炒面 (Mee Goreng) ， Andy 叫了叻沙。 我呢，就叫了看似 maggi mee 的味曾汤面。

然后呢，我和andy 就去 Paragon ，而惠就去另外一个地方去会她的朋友。她的表情沉重，重心似乎早就飞到另外一个地方了。。。

直觉告诉我，是个很重要的人。因为她回来后，就一直神经系西，跟之前完全不一样。但我并没问她。反而，我宁愿让她这样疯疯颠颠，至少她能在疯颠里暂时有个避风港。

明天，12pm 就要meet Joyce 在Tampines small mac 。好久没见面了。

her gift...

一个星期又那么过去了。。。天天都在忙。忙,盲,忙。到底是忙?还是盲? 不管那么多了。只要能阻止我呼吸乱想就行了。思念她的心情一天比一天渐渐地在增加。但也同时，沉重，寂寞与沉默也在不知不觉中慢慢的，慢慢的，在我的心中逐渐蔓延开来。

最近心情会忽然感到沉重。好想把自己一个人关起来，自己一个人静一静，完全不受
到外界的干扰。不知道为什么会这样。可能是心灵空虚太久的关系吧。。。可能该
是时候去找个人谈谈恋爱了。让心不会那么的孤单，寂寞。

不知道"她"会不会阅读我的blog 。。。如果你有阅读的话，这翻话是对你说的:
"我对你的思念从没减少过，对你的眷恋从没停止过，我对你一切的感情仍然搁浅着。。。
我会一直默默地在离你不远的地方守护着你，思念你，喜欢你，保护你。

我不知道，我到底在你心里是什么。如果什么都不是的话，没关系。就算日后你找
到了理想情人，我还是会那么的喜欢你。就让我喜欢你的这分心意，停留在那一刻。
"

Last weekend, I just bought a dress which I wanna give it to her during her birthday chalet. Actually, I was pondering whether I wanna get the dress I bought or the other dress which was what I've been looking for, for a long long time. Still in the end, I bought the first dress. Partially was because the lady boss spent alot of saliva promoting that dress.

Thus, it would be really bad if I chose the second dress over it. Cuz she spend so much energy trying to sell that dress haha! Anyway, I already got the picture in my mind and how she would look like in the end.

Guess what the lady boss commented when I was cashing out?

"You're buying this dress for your GF is it?"
"Er...."
"Don't be shy lahZ (She giggled). You're really meticulous."
(I could only smile and blush at her comments)
"Really...Nowadays very few guys would spend time to shop and plan a such a detailed gift for their GFs liaoZ...)
"haha!! Don't say liao lahZ...I'm really blushing liaoZ haha!!!"

After that, she gave me a 20% discount haha! Cuz she really admired my Xi Xin haha!! YEAH! 20% discount wor! haha!!

Then, I quickly rushed back home to get ready to book in...

Now, I'm only lack of high heels, necklace, ear ring, rings, belt, and other accessories... Still have $120 budget to go...den this dress will be complete...

不知不觉中，又到了周末。。。好快喔！不知道要去哪晃才好。。。

周四和周五都有新兵进来。忙透了！从早忙到晚。好累啊！！！但是。。。不用紧，
至少我有事情做，不会去胡思乱想。

今天好好笑喔，食阁的员工都称赞我的声音好好听，都不约而同的想介绍女生给我
认识。哈哈！！！害我都害臊起来了。。。

本来叻今天放工后，是要和ANDY 和他的朋友一起到beach road 的一间店购买小惠
生日party 的东西。 但是叻，我不能去，因为当我到家，冲个凉再出门，已经为耻
以晚。真可惜。。。都怪我现在在当兵，不然就有很多时间去准备小惠的礼物了。


哈哈！明天薪水就进来了哦！太好了！！！还有！明天晚上要去jasmine 她心爱狗
狗的生日 party 。。。

Haven't felt so free ever since I took up the responsibility as LOG SPEC of Sch 2. Handed over my CQ store to Sch 1 and had a sense of relief. Like a small boulder was taken off my shoulder. Though, not all are taken off...

New challenges awaits me at my new office at CCO-PTSSU, under Mr Gary, that bloody two-headed snake guy...

Yesterday, he came to TFT to look for Andy, regarding whether was he able to take some of the refreshment and let him use for some functions for Commander BMTC. And after which, he asked me when was I able to go over to his side and commence work. I purposely told him that I could go over anytime, tomorrow (Wednesday) would be possible. And guess what he said?

He told me to go on off!!! I was almost gonna faint when I heard this... I couldn't believed that phrase came out from his foul mouth...

Anyway, recently, Yue Hui's Friend, Andy, contacted me yesterday and asked me for ideas on how to decorate Hui's Chalet... Actually, the decoration of the Chalet was long imprinted in my mind, and since he asked me, I typed it out and sent it to him... It's gonna be a big birthday gift for her....

On my part, I'm still searching for that perfect dress for Hui to wear for her Chalet. It'll be a dress that will bring out her elegance, beauty & figure. It'll be a cross between a dress, a gown and a cross between princess and modernisation look. Difficult, but i want her 21st birthday to be the most memorable one. Last year's one, I knew she didn't enjoyed it very well...

so GANBATE!!!!

封闭了

为了隐藏以前痛苦回忆
我选择放弃放心去爱人的权利
因为我不相信自己 不相信一句话
叫做真心真意 我选择绝情绝义

终于，我决定放弃一切。让我的心再度封闭起来。
因为不想再让自己受到伤害。从头到尾都我在一厢情愿。痴痴地，默默地为她付出，
却一直没得到她的芳心。
好累，好傻喔！真的是很傻， 又很累。。。
不要再问我有没有心意的对象了，因为我一直都没有。

等待
我随时随地在等待做你感情上的依赖我没有任何的疑问
这是爱猜你早就想要说明白
我觉得自己好失败从天堂掉落到深渊多无奈
我愿意改变(what can i do?)
重新再来一遍(just give me change)
我无法只是普通朋友感情已那么深
叫我怎么能收手但你说
i only want to be your friend
做个朋友我在你心中只是just a friend
不是情人
我感激你对我这样的坦白
但我给你的爱暂时收不回来
so i
我不能只是be your friend
i just can't be your friend
no,no,no,
我不能只是做你的朋友
不能只是做普通朋友